THANK YOU!!! -
First things first, I have to thank those of you who voted and shared our entry in the "Cutest Pet in the South Sound" photo contest from Epic Realty. "In Memory of Emma" took 1st place with over 500 votes!!! The prize was a $100 gift certificate to Mud Bay, Olympia Store.
Reminders & Memories -
I went to put water in the ice cube tray last night and was reminded again about the horrible day Emma passed away. She wouldn't eat her kibble or take her meds that morning. I tried to entice her with string cheese, normally one of her favorite treats. She ate one nibble and I believe it was only because I wanted her to. I feel terrible about it now, knowing she really didn't feel well and that seizures would start 15 minutes after trying to get her to eat. The first time I reached for something in the fridge after learning she had passed,,I saw the string cheese and the tears started flowing. I couldn't bring myself to throw it away, so I put it in a baggie and stuck it in the freezer. I still can't throw it away...
Every time I change the washer setting from large to small load, I tear up. I used to wash Emma's bedding several times a week because she had an issue with soiling it. The vet was certain it was behavioral and for attention because there wasn't anything wrong with her. Hmmmm, a spoiled rotten Pug who wants their own way??? No way!!!!! LOL She was my special girl that was a pain at times. I say that affectionately of course! I didn't ever mind changing her bedding. It came as part of life for me and part of my duties as a pug mom. Whenever I switched the washer to a small load, I would put up my hand written sign that said "change to large, it's on small" and put it on the washer. That was my husband and our boys would know to switch it if need be. Emma didn't potty on her bedding the last 3 nights she was alive. This really bothered me because it wasn't "normal" for her. Before the necropsy diagnosis, I was told by someone who had lost a Pug from PDE, that bladder retention was a symptom his pug experienced.
I'm starting to remember to not walk to where her food dish was when I feed Meeko and Jazzy, but still catch myself sometimes. I miss her nose being pressed up against my pant legs every morning and evening when it's feeding time. I miss the way she "geared up" for eating. She would make noises and take deep breathes and back up from the dish and shake a bit with excitement! I haven't removed her collar and tag from my car yet. I removed it from her when I took her to the vet the morning she started seizing and left it in the car. I'll move it when I create her memorial. I'm looking for a nice shelf that is just the right one to use as a memorial area for her.
I had Jay move Emma's crate to the garage Sunday. I still haven't removed the blankets and pillow from the crate that I had in it the last few days she was with us. Since she wasn't steady and was tipping over and falling so much the last few days, I put a pillow in there, that wasn't so mushy & soft, to help her remain steady when she got comfortable. All of her blankets are still where I kept them prior to her death. I can't bring myself to move them.
Kobee, our black cat, misses Emma very much. They played together and he would greet her every time she came in from being outside. When Emma first got sick, Kobee started sitting at the sliding glass window leading to the back yard. He'd watch us as I stayed with her to make sure she didn't stumble and fall as much. He recently turned 4 years old and had never done that before. The poor kitty cried and went to the sliding glass door several times a day for at least 2 weeks after Emma was gone. He still does it and it makes me so sad.
A couple weeks ago Meeko and Jazzy started laying on the dog bed again. Even though it was a community bed, it was Emma's favorite that she claimed and it was where she had her first seizure. Meek and Jaz hadn't been in it since she was sick. My nightmares of her death have pretty much stopped. I'll have an occasional one, but nothing like before. I miss her caterpillar kisses, smiles and unique ears. I cherish all of the wonderful memories she's given me these last 5 years. Here's one of my favorite photos of Ems. It was taken a month or so after she became a member of our family =) It's one of the cutest most tilted head cocks I've ever seen!!!!!